Entry without a title

It has been such a long week.  And it isn't over yet.  Tomorrow is the first of December and I can't help but wonder where has this year went.  Where have the past few years gone?

Talked to my dad this morning.  We are getting on each other's nerves.  LOL  So what else is new?  I think that mom is really wearing on him these days.  Her mind seems worse some days.  She really seems to be going down hill in the brain department.  Elevator not going to the top few floors.

I was talking to mom the other day and telling her that dad wanted some bedroom slippers for Christmas.  She had no idea what I was talking about.  None.  I told her she had always given him a pair for Christmas in the past.  She just looked at me like What The Hell Are You Talking About?  I just changed the subject.

Today mom informed dad that he needed to take their cat to the vet.  Why? Because Sara (the cat) didn't sleep with her last night and wouldn't come get on the bed with her this morning.  Therefore the cat has to be sick. ????? Cat isn't sick.  She's just being a cat!

Mom was THRILLED that I went with dad to the grocery store.  Why was she so thrilled?  I don't get it.

Aunt E's (who was mom's older sister) dementia was supposed to have come from a stroke.  Thinking back I wonder if she didn't have dementia before the stroke and it just made it worse.  Her death certificate does say Alzheimer.  I know that Alzheimers does seem to run in families.  No doctor has said anything but I can't help but wonder if that isn't what is happening to mom.  And as scary as that is, I am getting worried about myself.  If Aunt E had it, and now maybe mom, my chances must be pretty good at it happening to me when I get older.  Freaking me out.

I am worried about mom and how bad her mind might get, how fast it seems to be happening (or it is happeningfast in my mind) and how bad will she get.  I think she was starting to go down hill some mentally before she hurt her hip but seems so much worse since then.

For someone like me that worries about everything, (I have to.  It's a part of my personality,  I HAVE to worry about things) this is such a huge thing to add to my worry list.  And forget about telling me not to worry.  I will.  I do.  I have to.  I can't not worry.

And the house that won't sell.  I mentioned to dad if he had called this other realator.  No.  He got all upset with me.  I said that I couldn't call and set things up.  Dad gets all upset and says that I can.  How the heck can I call and set up things to sell a house that isn't in my name?  Tell me?  No real estate agent is going to give me the time of day without my name on the house title. 

We HAVE to get that house sold.  It is costing money.  And if/when mom gets worse it is going to be even more of a headache to take care of and try to sell.  The money from the sell of the house was promised to me, but if it isn't sold before something happens to mom I doubt I will get it.  I know I sound selfish.  My aunt told her neighbor she wanted me to have the house.  But without a will it went to mom.  Because mom is married she can't sell it without dad's signature.  Guess it's half his because of the marriage laws.  This worries mom.  She has told me so.  Dad doesn't like talking about the money.  He agrees that I should "at least" get enough of the sale to pay off my house.

So what if I don't get the money?  I won't die.  But a part of me is like "enough already, dad get off your rear end and call the real estate, put something (anything) into motion".  I know that is very selfish of me.  Especially with mom acting the way she is.  You don't have to tell me I am thinking like a horrible daughter.  I already feel that way.

I'm missing the way mom used to be.  I'm upset about what is to come with her.  What will I inherit as far as dementia?

I worry.  It's what I do.  It isn't pretty, but it is me.

Don't forget to visit my Christmas journal.  I am giving you time to read the 10 entries that are over there before I add more to it.  No one wants to write the song over there.  I thought one adventurous person would take me up on it.  But maybe everyone is still having trouble getting into journals.  (I had to use an outside browser to upload graphics today.)

Oh, the link for the place is:  Trying Not To Be Bah Humbug!

can you believe I actually had this graphic? and it soooooo goes with this entry.  who would have thunk?