Easier? Everyone says that the pain of losing a loved one gets easier with time. While that may be true in the long run in the short term it isn't true. It seems to be getting harder every day for both me and my dad.
Ok, so maybe a year from now it may be easier but right now it is getting harder. And lucky me my birthday is next month. It is going to be hard. I know it.
My dad wants to stay busy. He wants to be on the go. Hard to keep doing when you don't have much money but we try. I like getting out also but some days I just want to stay put in my my house. This bugs my dad. He says I should stay busy. Ok, there are tons of stuff I can do around my house (and his house) but if I don't stay home it won't get done. And some days I just don't want to do anything. And I think to a certain extent that is ok.
I heard part of this song on the TV show Zoey 101 which is on the Nickelodeon network. It's a pretty cool song. I tried to copy/paste the words but I can't get it to copy from this website. Sorry. But here is the link: NEWSBOYS - MILLION PIECES (KISSIN' YOUR CARES GOODBYE) LYRICS)
Kathy
10 comments:
I became a young widow 10 years ago. I always heard it gets "better" or "easier". Over the years, I've learned that with each passing year, it gets "different". Try to focus on it that way......my personal opinion is you'll be far less disappointed from looking for something that isn't going to happen.
God Bless You and Yours.
Kathy, I don't think it gets easier ... the missing ... the grief ... I think it becomes more manageable. And different. But not easier. Perhaps the use of the word easy to describe how things change is the problem with hearing 'it gets easier'.
Thinking of you and your dad.
I'm sending you an e-mail. Penny
You can't expect it to get easier right away. It hasn't been that long and you need time to mourn.
Missie
Hi Kathy, It certainly aint true that it gets easier...more bearable, yes...it is now 14 years since my Mother died and there are even a day or maybe two that I don't think of her but that is the longest time..The nights are still hard...14 years...But one learns to cope..cope with the loneliness...the silence...One day a dear friend said to me don't you speak to your Mum now...yes in my head was the answer..she said talk out loud tell her whats going on rant and rave at her if you want...and you know Kathy that was amongst the best advice I was given.. You and your Dad are in my prayers. Love Sybil xx
No matter how many years go by we still miss our loved ones. My DDH has been gone now over 15 years and I miss him. My parents just passed away in the past 2 years so they are missed too. What has happened with me is that I've accepted their passing and rejoice that I had them in my life and am grateful for it. I treasure the memories of them and look forward to meeting up with them again someday. Time has healed the pain of my loss. Keeping busy does help and finding things to celebrate and look forward to helps also. 'On Ya' - ma
Kathy, just one bit of advice: follow your heart and your head during this early grieving period. Somedays just doing nothing is the very best thing you can do. Too much activity can lead to "trying" to run away, and then the accumulated grief can be even worse--so listen to your heart, especially, and I am sure in time that terrible sense of lost will ease a bit. Prayers your way. LaVern
My Mom has been gone almost 20 months and although things are better NOW, it took a long while to get to this point. I think of her every single day! Some days, out of nowhere, I started crying again, and ANYTHING can trigger it. Unexpectedly!
I think you are feeling completely "normal".......and if you don't want to clean, or go out, then don't. It will be there tomorrow!
I'm thinking of you.
Angel
No, the truth is it does get harder before it gets better. I think at first we are in shock and maybe denial. Then reality slowly sinks in. It's good you are there for your dad and helping him, but don't neglect what you need. We all grieve, suffer and cope differently. And one day, somewhere down the road, you do feel normal again. - Barbara
I don't think I've commented many times in your journal, if any, but I am sorry about your mom's passing; it does get easier in time but a longer time than just a few weeks; the first few weeks after my mom died was very hard for me, I couldn't even make a simple decision on what to cook for dinner; now 17 months later it is easier, of course, but there are days I still mourn her very much and I do always miss her
allow yourself the time to grieve; a friend of mine who lost her father 2 months before my mom died, said she ran into a friend at the store about a month after her dad died. When the friend asked her how she was doing, she said it was still rough going and the friend said "oh, I thought you'd be over this by now". Society wants people to grieve and be done with in in just a few weeks; the best advice she gave me was to allow myself the time to mourn no matter how long it took so I'm passing that advice on to you
I'm sorry your brother didn't attend your mom's funeral; I'm not sure why he chose not to; I didn't attend my mom's either; I was about 3000 miles away from where she died and was buried and there were some other circumstances in my life at the time regarding my son that often clouded my decision making. To this day, I have tremendous guilt that I did not visit her before she died (the doctors did tell my sister who she lived with that there was a very short time left for my mom, I refused to believe them). Your brother might/might not feel that guilt of not attending her funeral now or even down the road.
take care of yourself
betty
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