The lull between Christmas and New Years

                                           


      I was going to "pack up" my Christmas graphics but I
      found this background in another folder.  It is
      Christmasy isn't it?  Isn't that holly that the cat is
      resting on?

      I just finished up the last of the entries over at my
      Christmas journal:  Trying Not To Be Bah Humbug!  I will be
      leaving it up but no more entries are to be made over
      there.  If you haven't visited you still have the chance.
      Most all of the entries have a link in the side columns
      over there.  That should make it easy to find an entry
      to read.

      Right now I am listening to one of the Christmas
      presents I bought myself (yep I buy myself presents).
      It's the newest CD of John Mellencamp.  His greatest
      hits.  I loved him way back when he was still John
      Cougar.  I think just about anyone could find one of his
      songs that speaks to them.

      Angela has a great entry over here: Life, as I see it!  She
      rarely updates anymore but when she does it is always
      something powerful.  Check it out.

     
        thanks to nightmaremom for the above graphic

     Love the sleeping kitty above.  Nothing looks quite like
     an angel but a sleeping cat.
    
     My parents got me a new DVD player/recorder for
     Christmas.  I had a DVD player but it didn't record.
     And as we all know VHS is on its way out I needed
     something to tape tv shows.  If I had the money to
     get the "bigger, better" cable tv package I wouldn't
     have to worry because that comes with the ability to
     "save" or "tape" shows.  But I can't afford it.  And 
     if I could what do I need that many tv channels for?
     I don't watch but about 25 - 30 % of the channels I
     get now.

     Dad and I have been doing a lot of talking about mom
     the past few days.  He says that he is sure she is getting
     worse mentally.  I knew that but I guess hearing it
     from someone that lives with her 24/7 makes it hit home
     just a bit more.

     If you don't talk to mom often or just on the phone you
     probably wouldn't pick up on what is happening with
     her.  I am trying to talk her into going to the doctor
     sometime before her next appointment in Feb.  But even
     if I do I don't know how to handle talking to the
     doctor about her.  I can't very well say she is going
     downhill mentally with her sitting right there.  Well
     I guess I could but it just doesn't seem right.  But
     then talking behind her back sounds about as bad to
     me.

     Dad says he is sure (as sure as one can be) that he can
     take care of mom no matter how bad  -- unless or until
     she gets to the point she can't go to the bathroom and
     clean up herself.  He can handle giving her baths but
     the toilet issue is one he doesn't think he can handle.
     I hope and pray it doesn't come to that.  I might can
     sit with her some but right now she is at a point that
     I can't handle.  I would love to think it is my depression/
     bipolar that makes it harder for me to handle her.
     I would hate to think if I was "normal" that it would
     still be this hard on me.  It sounds so shelfish to say
     "hard on me", I mean what about her?  Does she
      realize she is going downhill?  To a point she does bc-
     cause ever time I go over there she is giving me some
     of her stuff.  It's stuff she wants me to have and is
     afraid that something will happen to it when she dies and
     that I might not get it then.

     Talk about depressing.  Everytime you see someone they
      are giving you their stuff.  Best I can remember my
     grandmother started doing that some before she died.

     Guess I have rambled on long enough.  My sig tag is
     kind of depressing but it pretty well fits my mood
     at the moment.