Pamela -- Last Day of Lung Cancer Awareness Month

Today is the last day of November.  The last day of Lung Cancer awareness month for 2006.  I have been slack in entries remembering Pamela.  I wanted to do an entry a day, or every other day.  I started out the month pretty good but somewhere along the line I let her down.  I'm sorry Pamela.

Way back in Pamela's journal she did an entry that really brings tears to my eyes now.  (It is an entry of words from a song.  The band is 3 Doors Down.)  It is so weird -- looking back on it now -- that she made this entry.  She made it a couple of years before she found out she had lung cancer.  But it is almost like she knew her life was going to be cut short.

Her entry is here  ------>>>>>love me when i'm gone

If you want to read the entire song I found the lyrics over here ---->>>>3 DOORS DOWN LYRICS - When I'm Gone

Pamela you are gone.  We still remember and we still love you!  Rest in Peace.  Fly with the angels. 

I will never forget you.  Never.

 

Tags: his1desire, Pamela, Pamela Hilger, lung cancer awareness month,

 

Entry without a title

It has been such a long week.  And it isn't over yet.  Tomorrow is the first of December and I can't help but wonder where has this year went.  Where have the past few years gone?

Talked to my dad this morning.  We are getting on each other's nerves.  LOL  So what else is new?  I think that mom is really wearing on him these days.  Her mind seems worse some days.  She really seems to be going down hill in the brain department.  Elevator not going to the top few floors.

I was talking to mom the other day and telling her that dad wanted some bedroom slippers for Christmas.  She had no idea what I was talking about.  None.  I told her she had always given him a pair for Christmas in the past.  She just looked at me like What The Hell Are You Talking About?  I just changed the subject.

Today mom informed dad that he needed to take their cat to the vet.  Why? Because Sara (the cat) didn't sleep with her last night and wouldn't come get on the bed with her this morning.  Therefore the cat has to be sick. ????? Cat isn't sick.  She's just being a cat!

Mom was THRILLED that I went with dad to the grocery store.  Why was she so thrilled?  I don't get it.

Aunt E's (who was mom's older sister) dementia was supposed to have come from a stroke.  Thinking back I wonder if she didn't have dementia before the stroke and it just made it worse.  Her death certificate does say Alzheimer.  I know that Alzheimers does seem to run in families.  No doctor has said anything but I can't help but wonder if that isn't what is happening to mom.  And as scary as that is, I am getting worried about myself.  If Aunt E had it, and now maybe mom, my chances must be pretty good at it happening to me when I get older.  Freaking me out.

I am worried about mom and how bad her mind might get, how fast it seems to be happening (or it is happeningfast in my mind) and how bad will she get.  I think she was starting to go down hill some mentally before she hurt her hip but seems so much worse since then.

For someone like me that worries about everything, (I have to.  It's a part of my personality,  I HAVE to worry about things) this is such a huge thing to add to my worry list.  And forget about telling me not to worry.  I will.  I do.  I have to.  I can't not worry.

And the house that won't sell.  I mentioned to dad if he had called this other realator.  No.  He got all upset with me.  I said that I couldn't call and set things up.  Dad gets all upset and says that I can.  How the heck can I call and set up things to sell a house that isn't in my name?  Tell me?  No real estate agent is going to give me the time of day without my name on the house title. 

We HAVE to get that house sold.  It is costing money.  And if/when mom gets worse it is going to be even more of a headache to take care of and try to sell.  The money from the sell of the house was promised to me, but if it isn't sold before something happens to mom I doubt I will get it.  I know I sound selfish.  My aunt told her neighbor she wanted me to have the house.  But without a will it went to mom.  Because mom is married she can't sell it without dad's signature.  Guess it's half his because of the marriage laws.  This worries mom.  She has told me so.  Dad doesn't like talking about the money.  He agrees that I should "at least" get enough of the sale to pay off my house.

So what if I don't get the money?  I won't die.  But a part of me is like "enough already, dad get off your rear end and call the real estate, put something (anything) into motion".  I know that is very selfish of me.  Especially with mom acting the way she is.  You don't have to tell me I am thinking like a horrible daughter.  I already feel that way.

I'm missing the way mom used to be.  I'm upset about what is to come with her.  What will I inherit as far as dementia?

I worry.  It's what I do.  It isn't pretty, but it is me.

Don't forget to visit my Christmas journal.  I am giving you time to read the 10 entries that are over there before I add more to it.  No one wants to write the song over there.  I thought one adventurous person would take me up on it.  But maybe everyone is still having trouble getting into journals.  (I had to use an outside browser to upload graphics today.)

Oh, the link for the place is:  Trying Not To Be Bah Humbug!

can you believe I actually had this graphic? and it soooooo goes with this entry.  who would have thunk?

HO HO HO Merry Christmas!!

An early Christmas present for you:

Trying Not To Be Bah Humbug!

Be sure to add it to your alerts as you never know when it may (or may not) be updated!  Right now there are 10 entries -- all on the first page, so read the whole page before leaving!

Ready? Set? Tear off that wrapping paper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

HO HO HO Merry Christmas!!

An early Christmas present for you:

Trying Not To Be Bah Humbug!

Be sure to add it to your alerts as you never know when it may (or may not) be updated!  Right now there are 10 entries -- all on the first page, so read the whole page before leaving!

Ready? Set? Tear off that wrapping paper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Anyone live in West Hollywood California?

copied from Trish's blog  Journey-2-Peace: Tuesday with Trish

Tuesday with Trish

Just a quick friendly reminder to print off this flyer and come to The Cat Club on Sunset tomorrow night for a short acoustic set. Looking forward to seeing you all.
peace & love,
Trish


click on image to enlarge

DATE: Tuesday, November 28
TIME: 8pm sharp! (I'm off stage by 8:30) doors open at 7:30.
VENUE: The Cat Club
ADDRESS: 8911 W. Sunset Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90069
COVER: $8 at the door. $5 with flyer.

21 and over. ID required. (sorry kids)

Read this over at Deb's and got an email for it also.

copied from Deb  A Good Thing

A Good Thing

Bristol Myers Squibb will donate one dollar (up to a max of $100,000) for every person who goes to their Web site and lights a candle to fight AIDS.

At this point, the counter is just over 73,900 ... so we need many more candles lit before World AIDS Day (on Dec.1).

Please go to Light to Unite to light a candle ... and help spread the light.

https://www.lighttounite.org/

A Groovy Hello

            

Howdy.  How are you doing?  First day back to work after a 4 day weekend can be a killer.

The weather here is still fantastic.  You would never know it was November if it weren't for the calendar.  It frightens me.  I wonder how cold it will get (or how much snow we will get) when it finally decides to become winter.

Sitting here listening to a new CD I have of Josh Groban.  That guy can sing!!!!!!!!!!  If you have never heard him you need to check him out.  The only thing is he usually does a couple foregin language songs on his CDs.  I have no idea what language (but for some strange reason I am thinking Italian but I bet I am way off), so I don't know what he is singing, but it is beautiful whatever it is!

                           

Don't you just love the cat and fish above?  At first I thought they were throwing kisses.  But now I know the fish is sticking out his tounge and the cat is licking his lips.  If that fish thinks the cat can't get to him.............LOL

We were hoping my aunt's house would have sold by now.  It's been on the market for a little over 6 months.  We've dropped the price by $10,000 and still no one wants to buy it.  The real estate guy now says it won't sell unless we redo the kitchen.  That's not going to happen for several reasons but money being a big part of it.

So now we are looking at how much money we really need.  The house was paid for so we aren't out of money.  Every dollar will be profit.  Ideally what we want is enough money to finish paying off my house, pay the real estate agents, and it would be a HUGE bonus if there was enough to build me a bigger back porch.  Don't know how much of that will happen now.  We could keep the house on the market but it is costing money.  Taxes, insurance, keeping the electic on, and having to keep the yard up has been a huge pain.

I think the real estate guy is so sure he can't sell it that he didn't even get in touch when the 6 month contract with him was up!  Jerk.  Maybe we should get someone else to cut the price and let them make some money off it.  Maybe we could auction it off.  The house is in great shape but it does have a few things not so great.  It's a 2 bedroom (could be 3 if you count the little bitty room) but it has only 1 built in closet.  It does have 2 wardrobes though.  The kitchen is the big thing.  It only has a refrigerator and very little cabnet space.  It could use some work granted.  But there is no way we can afford to spend what 5 to 10 thousand to fix it up and not get any more in the asking price?

Mom is supposed to go have her hearing aids adjusted tomorrow (the first adjustment) and she is talking about turning them in.  Claims she can't get them into her ears right.  I did not want to hear that.  I said that me or dad could put them in for her.  She doesn't want that.  So we get to go back to yelling and her still understanding half of what we say?  I sooooooooo hope she changes her mind.

Guess I've rambled on long enough.  Oh, there are 2 new Christmas journals that I know of.  You need to check them out!

Happy Holidays!

Joy To The World!

 

               

 

 

Thought For the Day

Thought for the day...  

 

 

If you sometimes get the sudden urge to run around naked....

Drink some Windex!!

 

It will keep you from streaking. 

 

 

Wonder if any of this happened at the mall today? LOL

The Funniest Stuff On the Net - funny video of the day

The Day After

If you aren't working today I am guessing most of you are napping off all those yummy calories you gobbled up yesterday!  And eating leftovers.  If you are eating leftovers beware!  This could be going on in your house!!!!!

  

I hope warming his feet is all he is doing in the mac and cheese!  LOL

If you went shopping today did you get what you went for?  How much extra did you buy?  If you tell me you took a list and stuck to it I will have to laugh.  Because I know you couldn't do that!!!! 

Last night was a first in my house.  My cat Maggie never sleeps with me.  Well last night she laid down next to my pillow and spent the entire night there!  I was so thrilled.  Every time I reached to feel if she was still there I could feel her purring!  Her purr is one of the reasons I adopted her in the first place.  Of all the kitties at the animal shelter she is the only one that let me hold her without a fuss, and she purred the entire time!  She is always purring.  Got to love that in a cat.

I have known that I had a mouse in the house.  I haven't seen it but I have seen what the nasty beast leaves behind.  Yesterday I go into the kitchen and there is Sophie sitting and staring at the cabinet under the sink.  Now why do you suppose she was sitting and staring?  Ya think?  Bet you anything if she got her paws on it she wouldn't kill it.  LOL

Hope you are all having a great Thanksgiving weekend.  You still have 2 more days to go!

Kathy

Thanksgiving Day 2006

I hope everyone has been having a great Thanksgiving Day!!  Today is about more than food, parades and football.  Huh?  Yep.  It's a day to think about all that you have to be thankful for.  I know sometimes we think we have nothing or very little to be thankful for.  But we are wrong.  Really.  Don't believe me?  Get a pen and some paper.  Go ahead I'll wait on you................gotta 'em?  Start making your list.  Your health? Not so good? Bet you know someone whose health is worse than your own. Then you got your health.    Next?  Lets see, had some food to eat today, got a roof over my head, got to play on the internet........see there are lots of things to be thankful for.  Even the little things.  Go ahead and finish your list.

          

Some animal links for ya!  Stop over at Trish's and see the video of her dogs and kitten!  Journey-2-Peace: Paws for Play  Dogs and cats playing/fighting are always fun!

Tons of really funny cat picutres here.  http://shadowdane.shackspace.com/cats.htm  Look at the face on that poor cat in the shower!  So pitiful looking!  Poor baby!

It's a little late in the day to worry about killing a turkey or two, but you might like this:  Stop Turkey Genocide!

 

Got this link in the mail today: AmericanGreetings.com - Choose Your eCard   (Andbe sure to watch the bloopers at the end!!)

Going shopping tomorrow?
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR EVER LOVING MIND??????? I mean really?  If you are going you had better soon hit the bed so you can get up at an unreasonable hour to get and get a parking space!  Sucker!  LOL  I'll still be in my nice warm bed with my cats just snoozing away!

Most importantly though folks:
Some needs your prayers, love and cyber hugs: My Take On Life

          

 

The day before Turkey Day

            

Hope everyone has a great meal and some great nap time tomorrow!  See graphic above if you need any tips on what to do tomorrow.

Had my blood pressured rechecked yesterday.  It's finally starting to come down some.  Yeah!  Got on the scale at the doctor's office while I was there, have lost a few pounds.  That gets a WOO HOO.

Today I went for my annual exam at the GYN.  I hate going, but it is just once a year.  I love my doctor.  He is sweet and not too bad looking either!  I was in the middle of a panic attack when he started talking to me.  I end up crying for no reason.  He comes over and gives me a hug.  There I am sitting in one of those horrible gowns that won't stay shut and he gives me a hug.  He is the sweetest.

Did you know that we have another person back in J-land?  Anyone remember Meg?  ---->>> haha...testing is completed...  She is a senior in high school now and has decided to start journaling again.

Kimberleigh had some more Chemo yesterday.  They mixed something in her IV that got her "stoned".  Hey, her words not mine!  I think I'm gonna like this Taxol! lol  Guess if you are going to have to have Chemo you might as well be high at the time.  LOL

Editor Jeff left us with his new weekend picks Weekend Picks 11/22/06  He also gives us a link to this great entry: Weekend Assignment #139 - Light or Dark 

Anyone looking for a spicy chili recipe?  Tabby's Gonna Make Ya' Cry Chili! 

Gotta laugh at Mary cooking a turkey.  Turkey 101  Don't tell her I said "gotta laugh at Mary".  She may kill me.

Waddle on over to D's and grab a wishbone Be Thankful 

Go wish our old editor Joe a Happy Thanksgiving.  Just because you miss him.  I know you do.  AIM Pages: Our Blog

Guess that's it for now.  Remember if you are alone tomorrow, or if you just get bored I have another journal with all those links that I keep throwing out at ya! What to do online

I will probably not be online until afternoon tomorrow.  So if you are lonely just pop me an email and I'll get back with you sometime.  Maybe I can intertain you with some funny grapics or drag out some old forwarded mail (just what you always wanted!)

Take care everyone.  Happy Thanksgiving.

                            

 

Happy Thanksgiving

 

Do any of you remember the above?  ROTFLOL

 

I've been thinking

Whenever I say that people usually run for cover.  You never know what might pop up in my mind.  LOL

But this time I have a good idea.  It's a little late for part of the idea, but you can make it work somehow some way I am sure.

After reading the comments left at my last post (about Pamela's last Thanksgiving) I got hit with an idea.

Most of us know someone that has passed within the past year.  This may be their first major holiday without their loved one.  And they may think that no one remembers or realizes how much it hurts not to have that loved one with them for this holiday.

I KNOW that Hallmark (and probably American Greetings, and tons of other card makers) make cards for this occasion.  They are cards that are very touching that mention the absence of a loved one.  Here is a sample of one that I found:

Message Of Comfort ecard from Hallmark Ecards

Just go to the sites that you usually use for e-cards and I know you will find one.  Then send it to the person you know is missing a loved one.  If I was on my toes and mentioned this days ago you could have went to the store and bought a card and mailed it.  Heck you still can.  It will just be a tad late.

Or you can call the person, drop by their house to let them know you remember and are thinking about them.

Now that you have done this for Thanksgiving, you can remember and do it again at Christmas.  And on Mother's Day/Father's day, or whenever you know someone is having a bad time because their loved one has passed.

I am sure that you will make someone's day.  If you hear back from someone let us know.   You don't have to say who, but that the idea did work.

Kathy

Pamela's last Thanksgiving

I found the entry for what would be Pamela's last Thanksgiving.  I wonder if she or her family knew it might be her last?

The entry the day after Thanksgiving had tons of picutures but they aren't there anymore.  I don't know if her family has taken them down, or if its AOL up to its old tricks.  I hope it is AOL.  I hope that her journal never disappers.

Anyway, back to that Thanksgiving.  Sounds like she had a great time with family even though she was in pain from the chemo.

Day 157

 

Tags: his1desire, Pamela, Pamela Hilger, lung cancer awareness month,

 

 

Mail Problems?

Seems like a few of you are having problems with your AOL mail.  So far I have been lucky and hadn't had any problems.

Help for some of the mail problems showed up in a group that I am in.  I don't remember who actually sent it through the group.  I kept the instructions on the fix but not the actual email.

I sent the instuctions to Rocketman and they helped him so I thought I would post them here in case any of you are having the same problems.  Like I added to the instructions I HAVE NOT TRIED THESE.  DO SO AT YOUR OWN RISK.

I got the following through a group I am in.  I have had it for months now.  I have NEVER used these instructions so I don't know if it will work or not.  That being said I copy/pasted this from the old email.  Hope it will help you.

 

Below are instructions on how to fix my mail problem.  Here's the info I have to fix the vanished mail problem.  It worked for me and has lots of good advice for saving stuff--which AOL never has done for me.  I got it from a great group leader.  (Mine also only happened on one screen name and has happened more than once.)  Wanted to share my good results --Good Luck to Others! 

 

            When You Can't See Your AOL

                                    Mail - A Fix 
 
I recommend mailing to yourself anything in your favorites & files that you need / want to keep; as I lost them all.  That way they will be in your mail after you do your fix so you can enjoy them again.

 You can also save your Favorite Places, (which is what I would recommend).  Open your favorites & at the bottom there is a button for saving it. I'm not sure what it says in any version but 9 so you'll have to look for yourself. On 9 it the Manage button at the bottom of your favorites. Click it then click the top option. You can put them back by doing the same thing only click the Replace my favorites button instead of save my favorites.

Now anything you have saved in your Filing Cabinet that's saved on your PC will be lost so those things you may want to copy to  a new mail & mail to yourself so you'll have them. Anything you have saved in your filing cabinet that's saved on AOL will still be there. I personelly save anything I don't want to lose on AOL, the storage is unlimited!!
 
 

 

 

                DO NOT UNINSTALL AOL!
                DO NOT RE-INSTALL AOL!
                            (None of the above will fix the problem)
 
 
                                    **************************************
 
1 - Close out AOL
 
2 - RIGHT CLICK on the AOL icon down by where the time/date is.  (lower right corner)
 
3 - Click on DATA folder
(If you do not have DATA folder see below*)
 
4 - Click on C: (or whatever drive you have your AOL on) and whatever version you are having trouble with. (for example 9.0)
 
5 - Click on ORGANIZE FOLDER
 
6 - Find the icon that has the screen name you are having problems with, but that has NO FILE EXTENSION after it.  In other words it would say "YOURSCREENNAME" and NOTHING after it; no file extension like: .exe, dat...NOTHING.
 
7 - RIGHT CLICK on that icon & select CUT
 
8 - Then, RIGHT CLICK on your desktop & select PASTE. (This is the corrupted file)
 
9 - Sign back on & your mail is normal again!
 
10 - Go back to your desktop & delete that corrupted file you pasted there.  Once you remove it from your recycle bin you will recover some serious hard drive space!  (Mine was 2 gigs)
 
 
                                                 *****
 
 If  You Do Not Have The Data Folder Named Above Here Is How You Find Your "Organize Folder"
 
A - Click on "My Computer" icon
 
B - Click on C: (or whatever drive you have AOL on)
 
D -Click on ALL USERS
 
E - Click on "Application Data"
 
F - Click on the AOL folder
 
G - Click on the C_America Online 9.0 (or whatever version you're using)
 
H - There you should find your "Organize" folder
 
I - Follow steps 6 thru 9 above for completing the repair.  

 

 

Click

over there, over there, i have a post over there  ----->>>>Patience

 

another wacky thing from my email

The Purina Diet
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Harley and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it.

I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Anyone Remember

Anyone here remember Freeepeace?  Trish?  Remember????  Sure you do.

Go over to her blog and view her 1st video entry.  You'll love it.  Really you will.

Journey-2-Peace: Re: One World#links

Friendship

Well it looks like I have been doing is crying lately.  Either for my poor pitiful self (LOL) or for Pamela. 

Pamela you where one heck of a lady.  You always seemed to know what to say and when to say it.

If any of you are still smoking...... oops I promised I wouldn't go there.

Here is a simple but great entry Pamela made pretty soon after she started journaling.  And hey she was one of the first in J-land!

friendship

 

 

 

Tags: his1desire, Pamela, Pamela Hilger, lung cancer awareness month,

 

We Silly Americans!

I could hardly believe this when I opened my email.  Even with a newscliping attached I had to check it out.  I was scared AOL would TOS me for even looking it up, but they didn't.

Because of the four letter word (and you may have little ones looking over your shoulder) I will just send you to snopes.com to read the TRUE story.

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Welcome to Austria

another from my in box

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed
itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system
activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting
and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm
thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't
work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)

*********************

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people
upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a
Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and
is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to
delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to
uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter
the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the
APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife
1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,
Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Just heard about this -- great for after (or before) Christmas

Just heard about this great site on tv.

Have you ever gotten a gift card from some store you hate?  Or a store that isn't nearby?

This site is for you!

www.swapagift.com

It matches you up with someone that wants to swap gift cards! 

Don't have a gift card to swap? No problem!  There are people who are will sale (or trade) their gift cards (some will even sell below the card value!)

Now as always, I haven't tried this site.  I heard about it on the TV.  So before you send money or that gift card be sure to check it out for yourself to see if you feel comfortable using it's services.  Use at your own risk -- and if you do let me know how it turns out for you.

 

something from my email .....

A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,'
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night." "It's my duty to stand
at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

PLEASE, Would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many
people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit
is due to our U.S.service men and women for our being able to celebrate
these festivities.  Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of
what we
owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who
sacrificed themselves for us.

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq

Pity Party follow up

I have not finished reading all the wonderful comments you guys have left at my last entry.  But I have read enough to know that there are a few things you don't understand.

I would love more than anything to get out and make friends, go to church, do volunteer work and anything else.  But it isn't all that simple.  Panic attacks keep me from doing those things.  And trust me you can't just push through a panic attack.  You physically can't.

When I leave my house lately (even just to go to my parents house or a drive thru at McDonalds) I have horrible panic attacks.  I feel like I am having a heart attack.  Even my doctor has told me that I have to pay close attention so maybe I will be able to tell if I am REALLY having a heart attack or if it is just panic.  So far it is hard for me to tell.  I have been through the ER several times thinking I was having a heart attack and dying. 

Panic attacks aren't in your head.  They really do manifest themselves in physcial ways.  My heart does beat differently, my blood pressure does go up, I start sweating and get so wet you think I just stepped out of a shower.

If I could get out and do more trust me I would.  I used to go to church, to support groups, but I just can't anymore.  My doctors are trying to find ways to help the panic disorder the anexity attacks but so far nothing is working.  I do what I HAVE to do and that is just about it.

I don't want your pity.  I am just trying to get you to understand what is going on with me and my illness.

Kathy

 

 

 

Just one of those entries. You don't have to read. It's just one of my pity parties.

I have been dealing with stuff and learning more about myself lately.  No, I haven't had any huge breakthroughs or epiphanies (big word, hope I have it right.  LOL).

I have an older brother that I don't even feel like I have.  He lives in another town.  I don't know his address or his phone number.  He emailed me maybe twice and then tells my parents something is wrong with his email so he can't get in touch with me.  He has been online longer than me and yet in all that time he can hardly squeeze out a 2 line email to keep in touch.  I feel as if he just doesn't exsist.  I know I have told you guys to reach out and keep in touch with family because family is important.  Well I can't reach out to someone that I have no address, phone number or vaild email address for. 

My parents are getting older.  Mom fell again yesterday.  And it took lots of threats to get her to go to the ER to get X-rayed.  Luckily she didn't hurt anything this time.  She is unsteady on her feet alot but just won't use a walker or a cane.  I don't know why.  Dad has to go through the ER every so often because he thinks he's having a heart attack.  Which it is amazing that he hasn't had one yet.

When my Aunt E was alive I was told that her dementia was brought on by a stroke and followed by more strokes.  However on her death certificate cause of death was listed as Alzehimers.  Now I have been noticing dementia-like stuff happening with mom.  It is really hard dealing with someone that seems ok but swears she don't remember you telling her something.  It's hard to think that maybe my aunt really did have Alzehimers and that might be what is happening to my mom.  If it is, and Alzehimers is inherited, then I guess I will have it one day also.

I have my own health issues but they have to play a back seat to mom and dad's problems.  I am the only one around to help them.  My brother lives about an hour away and he calls them a couple of times a year.  Mostly to ask for money.  When mom fractured her hip he came down (after she got out of the hospital) to see her -- and to ask for $300.  So you can see he and his family are no help whatsoever to me or the parents.

I'm getting older.  I worry about being alone.  Face it, how many of you guys are one of the following: married/with a partner, widowed but with children, have children, have family (brothers, sisters, in-laws, ect....) I have never been married.  I have no children.  The only family is my parents.  I'm not dating anyone.  I have no friends thanks to my depression.  I can't hold a job thanks to my depression.  I had to quit going to church and doing things because of my panic attacks.

So it is just me.  Once my parents are gone ............I could die inside my house and no one would know.  No one would be around to care.  My poor cats would starve to death.

Don't tell me that it will get better.  That even though my brother can't be bothered with his family he will some how turn around and want to start acting like a brother.  I don't believe it.

Don't tell me that some how I will meet Mr Right or make some really killer friends here locally.  I won't believe you.  I can hardly leave my house now so I can't imagine people beating on my door wanting to be friends.  I was always lousy at making really good friends anyway.  I thought I had some good ones but they were never around when I needed them.  I was a giver and I always seemed to find the takers in life.  Even some people I have met online that I thought were becoming friends seemed to have disappered.  I guess they took all they could use from our online friendship and decided to just go their own way.

The only thing I can manage to do right is to adopt unwanted cats and love them.  The ones I have now don't have the cuddling personality my others did.  You can't take that personaly but somehow I manage to.  Well at least they are alive and healthy.  And I love them.

 

          

Pamela shared her fear with us

Pamela was an extremely strong woman.  It was rare for her to write about how she really felt knowing she had cancer and that she was going to die.

I think she wanted to be strong for her family, and yeah maybe for us also.

Pamela was trying to be very brave for herself also.  I doubt I would be so brave.

This is one of her entries that she let her guard down.  She let us see some of her fears and her loneliness.  It's a tear jerker for sure.  So if you don't think you can handle a good cry don't click.

Day 133 ~ missing my daughter and fighting fear

 

Tags: his1desire, Pamela, Pamela Hilger, lung cancer awareness month,

 

I've got email!!!!

The Middle Wife - Been seen before, but still funny

By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher  I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have  two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is  the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few  years back.  When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always  have a few sessions with my students. It helps them  get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is  pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model  airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like  that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or  limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to  school and talkabout it, they're welcome.  Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright,  very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to  the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her  sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant.  "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell  you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as  a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my  Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine  months through an umbrella cord." [She's standing  there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not  to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder  with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.]  "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying  and going,'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " [Erica puts a hand  behind her back and groans.]  "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh,  oh, oh!'" [Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck  walk and groaning.]  "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,  but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the  Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like  this."  [Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.]  "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept  in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up  and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"  [This kid has her legs spread and with her little  hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!]  "Then the middle wife starts saying "push, push," and  "breathe, breathe." They started counting, but never  even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my  brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said  it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot  of stuff inside there.  Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and  returned to herseat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.  Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

All funny stuff aside. This is serious I received the following information

from NAMI -- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI | About NAMI)

Help Restore Cuts to Mental Illness Research, Housing, and Veterans Programs

November 14, 2006

Even though the 2006 elections are now over, the 2006 congressional session is not and House and Senate members returned to Washington this week to complete unfinished business for this year, including current fiscal year funding bills covering a broad range of domestic programs including mental illness research and services, housing and veterans’ programs.

At stake is funding for current fiscal year priorities at a range of agencies including NIMH, SAMHSA, the VA and HUD. This includes efforts to restore cuts originally put forward by the President, and in some cases, to maintain increases endorsed by the Senate. Critical to this effort is restoring the overall $5.5 billion difference in overall spending authority between the Senate and the House.

Learn more about the cuts to mental illness research, housing and veterans programs.

Action Requested

NAMI therefore urges advocates to contact their members of Congress and encourage their support for restoring the $5.5 billion in spending authority recommended by the Senate for FY 2007.  NAMI is especially grateful to Senators Arlen Specter (R-PA), Tom Harkin (D-IA) and the Representative Mike castle (R-DE) that have led efforts in the Senate and House to achieve this important goal.

Click here to send a letter to your Representative today!

**All you have to do is click, type in your zip code and they tell you who your representatives are and there is a form letter there for you to send to them.  So easy.  Won't even take 5 minutes of your time.

 

amazing what shows up in my email box!

 

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous scientist (comedian) who once said:

 

"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen... and replaced by exact duplicates."

 

His mind tends to see things a bit differently than the rest of us mortals.

 

Here are some of his gems:

 

1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

3- Half the people you know are below average.

4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

9- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough senseto be lazy.

18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19- I intend to live forever; so far, so good.

20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27-  Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28-  The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29-  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34- If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Dog Owners Warning -- this is not a hoax!!

Go and read about this!!!!  Pass along to all dog owners you know!!!!

Dog Owners Warning

 

Hopefully a really short entry

Well maybe not a really really short entry.  But short enough.  I didn't upload any graphics just going back aways and using some old ones this go around.

I know that we haven't gotten to Thanksgiving yet but Christmas is making a mad rush towards us.  For anyone shopping on a budget you must start early or wait until 2 hours before the stores close on Christmas Eve.  I don't recommed the last idea there.  And somethings you have to get early.  This is one of them.  If you have small kids (or want to pretend the older ones are still small or for just a joke present to the spouse) you will like this.

I heard about this on the radio this morning.  A radio station in NC is doing it.  For only $4.95 you can get a personalized letter from Santa (several to choose from -- 7 different ones I believe) and some "special reindeer" food.  The radio station does things like this from time to time to raise money for a charity.  I know the radio station is real and I feel their charity work is legit.  I wouldn't mention it if I didn't think so.

But you have to have your order in and paid by December 5th to get the letter in time.  Here's the site:  ContactSanta.com - Letters from Santa Hey, you get to chose the stationary!  Cool.  If you want to know more about the radio station itself their link is:  +The New 1075KZL+  They are in Greensboro NC I think.  (not where I am.  all our stations moved out of town.  bummer)

So there you have it.  A cheap (well under $5 is cheap right?) cool present for the kiddies.  If you order one let me know.  I'd love to hear about it.

If I say anything else this won't be a short entry huh?  Ok, I'll shut up for now.  But I might be back!

                        

Monday the 13th

This past Friday my dad went and got his license tag renewed.  And that is what about $28?  Saturday morning dad was doing some yard work and thought the back of his car looked funny.  So he looked at it closer.  Someone had came down into the driveway during the night and had stolen the license tag!  So he calls the police and reports it stolen.  Then he gets into his truck to go get a new tag.  Oh wait the tag place is closed because it's Veterans Day.  So he had to wait until today to get another tag.  Another $28.

Now if you assume that the stole tags aren't found by the police (and a good chance they won't) someone has an entire year's worth of tag to use.  Not bad for a night out on the town stealing other people's stuff!  And if they use the tags on a stolen car (which is probably what you would do with stolen tags right?) then they can wreck the car creating all kinds of damage and no one will know who did it.  Pretty smart for a thief.  Or maybe they will get caught somehow.  I just don't think so.

Not much of anything going on in my life - such as it is.  I had bought some fall flowers a few months back to put on my aunt's grave.  Can't find the flowers anywhere.  To be honest I was going to put them out on her birthday but I just didn't get around to doing it.  That is so horrible to say but that's what happened.

Actually before she died I never saw the point of putting flowers on a grave.  The dead sure don't know.  And I don't need to impress any of the living that's for sure.  Oh I know everyone has their reasons of doing it or not doing it.  But if the reason is for show then you should just keep your money.  My belief is if you are doing it for show you probably feel guilty about something (how you treated the dead person maybe?) and it's kind of late to make up for it now.

Yesterday Maggie drove me crazy.  Maybe she didn't feel good, maybe she wanted to drive me batty, but I think she wanted out on the porch.  It was chilly but I was willing to leave the back door open so the cats could be "outside" (on the screened in porch), however it was so dog gone windy!  The storm door wouldn't stay open.  Nothing I tried would keep it open or keep it from banging (loudly which scared the cats) against what I was trying to hold it open with. 

First thing this morning Maggie wakes me up and makes a bee line to the back door.  LOL  I love my babies.  Maggie is training me so well to get her own way.  But she is driving me crazy when she doesn't get her way.  She will find some paper, or a magazine, or even a book and start to chew on it.  Don't get a rise out of mom?  Hmmm........let me start to shred it!  That's it!  That will get mom off her hiney!!!  Works every time! 

I go back to the doctor tomorrow afternoon to get my blood pressure rechecked.  I am supposed to be monitoring it myself -- supposed to.  You know what that means?  In the past 2 weeks I may have taken it twice. 

I know this sig tag isn't the prettiest.  It's kind of spooky in a way.  Every time I look at it I think either of Lizzy Borden or Bette Davis (like in Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte).  Ok I have a weird brain.  I never claimed other wise!

            

Links -- not a lot but hopefully enough to keep you busy

   

Christmas Countdowns   are you ready to start counting down?

WWF | Online Giving Center - Adoptions  great idea!

 

Halley VI  kind of a blog about working at the south pole.

 

Itty BiTTy

 

Playa Cofi  great music

 

Sign Language

 

A Prayer Of Wisdom, Inspirational Ecard

 

Mondo Mini Bytes  ok, it's a halloween thing  but it is funny

 

FreakingNews.com - News Photoshop Pictures Contests - home page  some material might not be suitable for the kiddies

 

animals free pictures

 

stock.xchng - search 

 

Kids 4 Truth - The Watchmaker

 

Japan - Candy Blog

 

Humorus Cat Paintings by Kliban - Cat Dreams - wallcoo.net

 

http://www.terrapininc.com/Cards Note/NoteCards.htm

 

Trading Card Maker: Create a customized trading card from your digital photographs

 

Gizmoz / The world of animated avatars, buddy icons, Talking Heads and user generated Talking Heads Videos

 

Victims3.htm  a Sept 11 page

 

DJ's Place :: Index

 

 

 

He touched her heart?! LOL

I guess most of you know that Pamela had 2 children.  She loved them very much and she loved to share stories about them with us. 

This is a link to an entry Pamela did about her daughter Christina.  It is funny and yet touching.  It also shows -- in my mind's eye that is -- how much Christina is like her mom.  Both have one heck of a way with words. (there I go using present tense. sorry)

you touched my heart

I can almost bet that Pamela's daughter was embarrest by this entry of her mom's.  But I am so glad that Pamela posted it anyway.

 

Tags: his1desire, Pamela, Pamela Hilger, lung cancer awareness month,

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder about other people's lives?  Are they as happy as they seem?  Do they have enough money/food?  Do they have friends and family?  Are they all alone?  What their hopes and dreams are?  Or have they given up on having hopes and dreams?  Do they care about anyone?  Does anyone care about them? Is someone dependent on them?  Are they the type that just kind of float through life or type that struggles?  Do they look forward to waking up the next day? Or just as soon not be able to wake up?  Are they nice or mean?  What made them that way?  Do they understand people that have more/less than they do?  If they were to die tomorrow would anyone notice?  Anyone care?  Anyone show up for the funeral?  Would there be so many at the funeral that the church would be overflowing? Would the florist run out of flowers?

Do you ever really wonder?  Do you ever really care?

 

This is a true story. Yup.

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Parkland Memorial Hospital

On a much lighter note.......

The LioN SleePs

 

Veterans Day 2006

I wanted to make a "grand" entry for today.  I looked through all the graphics I have.  And I can't find any words or graphics for such a grand entry. 

No words, no graphics seem to be right.  Oh this entry will have some words and I will put in some graphics.  But something will be missing.  Most of the graphics are big so I will shrink them down a bit for the entry.  But if you click on them it will show you the picture/graphic in it's bigger form.

What can you say about a person that is willing to put their life on the line for you.  I mean how can you really truly thank that person?  How can you thank the families of the soldiers that don't come back home?

How you can you sit and read the news about how some veterans have been treated when they come home?  I really don't remember, but I do remember it being said that the Vietnam Vets didn't come home to a hero's welcome.  That they were treated like dirt.  That they were the reason the USA fought in an "unpopular" war.

How in the world could we treat them that way?  Our military men and women aren't politicians, they are just like me and you.  They joined up to fight to help our country stay free and strong.  They are just like you.  And me.

(Ok I can't get the stupid link to work with this picture.  So just click here.)

See that little red poppy in my about me column (oh and it is clickable)?  Every year men stand outside stores and give them away.  Most of the time most of us take it (or maybe refuse it) and keep walking.  We don't take the time to say "Thank You" or to give them a little bit of our pocket change to help them keep their VFW post running.

Today's vets come home to see that some so and so doesn't want to say the Pledge of Allegience or they want the words changed.  Some want the National Anthem sung in spanish.  All they here is how we feel about the "bad" war, the "horrible" president.

I am sorry.  They don't deserve that.  They deserve better.  Even the ones that didn't "see any action" deserve better.  They "didn't see action" because they were chicken.  It was just the luck of the draw.  They got stuck doing whatever because it just happened that way.

Today's military is all volunteer.  Today's military know very well they will probably have to go to war.  If you believe they don't believe that then I have to ask where have you been living the past 20 years?

Today is not for bashing the military.  Today is not for bashing our government.  Today is not for bashing our president.  Today is for HONOR, RESPECT, to be THANKFUL, and for CARING about those that put themselves in harms way so that we can be free, but also so you can bash them, the war and our president.

Today is for THEM.  Today is showing RESPECT and HONOR.  Today is a day to be THANKFUL.

If you any of you have served, are serving, have family that have or are serving: