I had the best friend ever, or so I thought, once. It amazes me how some people are your friend when the times are good. When the times are bad -- for them. And even though they say they will be there for you when the going is bad for you, they just disappear.
I really believed that M would be my friend through think and thin. Well, she hung in there a little while when the going got rough for me. But when I explained what I needed out of our friendship she bailed on me.
A little background. I met M when we worked at the same place. She was younger than me, married and had 1 kid. When we really started becoming friends she was trying to get pregnant with kid #2. In fact she was taking some fertility drugs.
While she was pregnant I had a surgery and she brought some food over from time to time because she knew I really didn't feel like cooking. When she had S she called me (at 3am) and I met her and her hubby at the hospital. I stayed until the baby was born.
Fastforward. Husband got transfered to PA. She was happy I was happy for her. That first year was horrible for her. They had 1 car and Matt took the car to work, long drive 2 hours 1 way. She was stuck home with 1 kid in school, 1 in diapers, and guess what, she was pregnant again. She was so depressed.
In an effort to try to help her I mailed her something EVERY day for a year. A letter, a postcard, a package, whatever. Just something so she would get some mail to maybe brighten her day.
Fastforward. They moved several times over the next few years and I went to visit (flew, drove 9 hours once) each time they were in a new place. Finally the decide to move back down here.
M decided it would be cheaper for her not to work because of her youngest 2. She started selling Avon and I did what I could to get her some sells where I worked.
Fastforward. I got sick. I mean MAJOR depression. The doctor put me out of work. M would call me but I was inno shape to talk to her. I would call her from time to time to try to explain what was going on with me, and my mom would call her some also.
M started getting upset because I wouldn't answer the phone most of the time. I tried to tell her that most of the time I didn't feel like talking. I even sent her a card every now and then to let her know that I still wanted her as a friend. I told M that what I really needed wasn't a phone call, but a letter, or a card every now and then. That would be great. M informs me that "she isn't a card or letter type person". Huh? This is new to me. I even remind her of all the mail I sent to her when she was down. "I remember, and you must have spent a fortune on postage" "But just don't have the time to send mail" (didn't you say you would be there for me? that you would drop everything?)
All I wanted was 1 lousy card. Did I ever get it? What do you really think? Nope. Not a one. Know what I did get? I got a call few weeks before HER birthday, she would drop off a birthday present, and maybe a Christmas present for me at my mom's house (I live right around the corner from my mom, but she always left the stuff there). She did this for a few years.
Then, knowing that I wasn't working, she sent me a form letter where she was trying to raise money to go on a 2 week mission trip to Ireland. Good for her. If she felt God wanted her to do this that is great. But to send me a FORM letter, knowing I didn't have money, and the fact that we really weren't speaking to each other. That really PO'd me. I did not answer the letter. And guess what? I never heard from her again.
The more I think about on it, the more I realize I was the giver in our friendship and that I got little back in return.
6 comments:
From what I have read here, I would say that you did not lose anything here--she did. She lost a kind, loving, thoughtful, caring friend. You lost someone willing to TAKE all your loving, thoughtful, caring friendship and give just the bare minimum back. I know that friendship isn't about the things you get from each other, but what you had with her was not a friendship. I've met so many people like that in my life. They are users, fair-weather friends, takers. Now the good news would be that you have a lot of free time to maybe find a new friend WORTHY of your friendship. Don't look back.
Kathy sweetheart. Stories like this break my heart. When loving, caring, giving people put themselves out there for someon they think is their friend only to find that person isn't really a true friend at all. Like Karen said, you've lost nothing. The only thing you DID lose was the illusion of friendship that person tried to perpetrate. You've retained your integrity and caring heart and that's most important. :-)
Gregg
You are an amazing friend from what I read. Im so sorry to hear she didnt reciprocate when you needed her most, but at least you found out what her true colors were before you were hurt any worse. Still, I know that doesnt change the hurt, its hard when you put your all into a friendship only to find out it wasnt genuine both ways without a catch. ((hugs))
~Mary
I just stopped by to check out your journal. I think it's been awhile. I am sorry for your disappointment. But, it is definitely her loss! Right now you probably feel the loss as well. I never could understand why people have to be like that. You take care of you and have a nice weekend...
You certainly did your part...over your part if you ask me. It looks like there might be a second part to this. I'll be back to read the rest. Take care. Real friends stick with you.
You know, I had a "friend" alot like that a few years back. We were very close almost like sisters. But for some reason just like that she stopped calling and wouldn't take my calls either. To this day, I don't know what I did to anger her. How could I, if she won't speak to me? ~llila~
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