So it ain't so.
This isn't happening. This just can't be happening. It's a dream. Some horrible nightmare.
The oncologist came in to see mom this afternoon.
It's cancer. It's small cell lung cancer. It has already spread to some lymph nodes between her lungs.
Because of mom's health (other than cancer), her weaked heart, chemo and other treatments will only make her worse. Her quality of life would be horrible. They can't operate.
Dr said to call hospice. Mom has a few weeks maybe a few months to live.
This can't be happening. She didn't have any signs of cancer. That isn't why she went to the hospital. She was supposed to get better and come home. Home without hospice.
Yes, I know. She's 76 years old. She's had a "good life".
But SHE'S MY MOM. SHE CAN'T DIE!!!!
I still need her. I know I'm a grown woman. I know parent's die.
I am on disablity myself. My parents are my world. I don't have friends. I lost the ones I had when I got sick (depression, bipolar whatever you want to call it). My parents are the only people I see/talk to.
I know I need to get out. Find a way to make friends. But it's hard. I even quit going to church because of panic attacks. I have leaned so hard on my parents that I don't know how I can live without one or both of them.
This isn't happening right? I am the one person in this world that isn't supposed to have her mom (or dad) die before them.
We are Christians. I know there is a better life for mom. It doesn't help knowing this. It may help her deal with the idea of dying but it doesn't help me deal with her dying.
This is just a horrible nightmare. When I wake up tomorrow I won't be rushing off to the hospital to talk to the doctor at the crack of dawn. No, I will wake up and call my mom -- at her home -- and we'll talk and make plans for me to come over and make her my "famous" squash casserole that she loves so much. Right?
Or the doctor will be wrong. And mom will live years not weeks/months. Right?
Kathy
42 comments:
Oh, Kathy! My heart goes out to you. I'll be keeping you and your mother both in my prayers and in my thoughts.
Sam
My dear Kathy, words can help little, there's not much anyone can say. Just be thankful for all the time you've had, & may still have. Make EVERY minute count!
Will be sending up prayers & lighting a candle, will also pass on the word that your family is in need of prayer.
God bless,
Sugar
I am so very sorry. Please know I have your Mom and you also in my prayers.
God Bless
Cindy
I am so sorry. I lost my mom a year ago.
I still think of her each day.
hugs, Cassie
(((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))))))I want you to know that I am praying for you and fo your Mom.Just know God is there and He loves.
Kathy, you don't know me. I heard about your mother through Sugar. I am so very sorry. I lost my mother to cancer many years ago now and I understand how hard this is. There are no words that will comfort you. Enjoy every single minute that you have with your mom while you can Sweetie. You are both in my prayers.
Hugs, Joyce
Awwwwwwww hon, keeping you in my prayers, Hugs Lisa
Oh, Kathy, my heart aches for you! No there is no such thing as a time your are ready to loose your parents. Doctors have been known to be wrong. And miracles can occur. Try not to count the days. Try instead to just live each one to it's fullest. Perhaps your mom needed this time to know she'd likely soon be leaving. Perhaps so she could prepare you for it. Holding you all in my prayers for whatever the future holds. - Barbara
May God be with you, your Mom, and your Dad during these dark hours. May he touch each one of you with his healing touch. The day the Dr told us my Mother had a month was a horrible day. We got to keep us with us for seven more months. Yes it was cancer. We didn't know she had it until she had surgery for gall bladder. Hugs, Helen
{{{Kathy}}} I am so sorry to hear this news.... I am sending prayers.. good thoughts... and strength.
hugs
d
I'm praying for you both. I know what it is like as the same happened with my mom...she fell and broke her rib. The next thing we knew she had a month to live and was dying of pancreatic cancer. The hospice people were wonderful, but it didn't make it any easier. May our dear Lord comfort you at this very stressful time in your life. Have faith and trust in Him. 'On Ya' - ma
Sending prayers to you & your MOM.
Sunny
Prayers are with you and your family my dear.
I am right there with you....I've lost both of my parents---they were my only true friends and I was devastated when they died.
Kathy, I just read about this in Sugar's journal. My heart goes out to you. Sending many prayers for your mom and you that you get through this. HUGS Chris
Prayers are with you and your family!
Sharon
Miracles DO happen. Just about a year ago, my brother was diagnosed with unoperable pancreatic cancer. He was given three or four months to live. My brother was 81, accepted the verdict, and prepared to die--giving everything away, including his winter coats. After all, he was to die in June or July. Well, as you probably guessed, he saw another winter, and is still among the living. Can't say he is perfectly healthy--far from it. Each time I leave the visit, I don't know if that will be the last time I will see him, but he still gets up each morning, gets dressed, and follows the usual routine that he has for a great many years. Moral of story, don't give up, Kathy. Doctors can be wrong, and you may have your Mom for much longer--but even if you don't, value every minute that you get to spend with her. You will be in my prayers. ((((hugs)))), LaVern
Kathy, I am so very, very sorry! {{{Hug to you}}} I really don't know what else to say right now. Please hang in there and take care of yourself. Reach out for support and accept it when it is offered. Let others be there for you.
Lori
I'm so sorry; I have no words to say that you haven't heard from others or thought of yourself, but cling to Jesus during this time; he knows what you are going through and won't abandon you
betty
Sigar sent me over:) keeping your mom and you and dad in prayer
Deb
Kathy, I'm sooooo sorry for what you are facing, please know that my prayers are with you for support and understanding, and for your mom to live out her days in complete comfort.... and know also that the doctors are almost never right about the 'time' they give, it's GOD who gives us our time, and He can extend it too.
Joann
I'm so sorry to hear that. But keep in mind, my step-mother in law was given a year to live more than 7 years ago and is still going. I hate to give false hope, because sometimes that's worse than none at all, but there is a chance. Hang in there.
Dan
I'm so sorry to hear this. I know how hard it is. I lost my mom in 1994 and my dad in 1995. That was MY nightmare, to be sure. Enjoy each and every moment with her. Play games, watch movies...and eat together. Simple things will be enjoyable.
Sending you a big hug..
Pam xoxox
I don't know what to say Kathy. I will pray for your Mom. And for you also. Kathy you can and will make it through. But that doesn't need to be your focus right now. Your focus should be one day at a time. Spend this time with your Mom now. Then the Lord will show you where to go from there. Just spend time with your Mom one day at a time. I am soooo sorry. This is rotten I know.
Krissy
Kathy,
I am so sorry about your mom - I will keep your mom and you and family in my prayers.
Hugs,
Michelle
Kathy,
I am so very sorry to hear about your mum. I can imagine what you are going through as i suffer from anxiety/panicattacks/agoraphobia myself and it i not easy trying to make others understand what you are going through.
My thoughts and prayers are with you
hugs Jayne
I so know what you mean. My Mom is my lifeline and as you know I don't get out nor have friends.
I don't have words to make things better. But I do have love, support and big heart that's here if and when you need it.
Hugs and a whole bunch of love!!!!!!!
Deb
I am very sorry to thear about your Mum..will keep you all in my prayers..
Lyn
http://journals.aol.com/ukgal36/Britsblog/
I'm very sorry to hear you've confirmation of the lung cancer diagnosis, Kathy. I was afraid that was going to come. I hope you can come to terms with this soon.
Guido
Sugar sent me here. I am so sorry to hear about your mom and what you are going through. I will keep you in my prayers. egtara
Dear Kathy
I was sorry to hear about your Mom. Please know that I will keep her in my prayers and hope that you are both able to enjoy this precious time together to make fond memories to sustain you through the days to come.
I will pray hard that she remains comfortable and without stress or pain.
God Bless her and you.
Jeanie xx
Big hugs for you Kathy. Love you and I'm praying for you and your mother and father. Love, Shelly
Oh Kathy, I'm so sorry! I can't believe the news! Sending you big hugs.
Missie
Kathy, oh, so, so,so sorry... you and your mom will remain in my prayers, Love, Val xox
http://journals.aol.com/valphish/ThereisaSeason
Kathy Im so sorry - thinking of you in my prayers. Laine xx
Kathy wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big hug or shoulder to lean on. Enjoy the time you can with your Mom dear and don't give up, miracles do happen. Bless you, Arlene (AJ)
Special thoughts and Big hugs....
Linda...
Kathy, I am so sorry. I don't have words to express my sympathies. You and your Mom are in my prayers.
Tia
Kathy, I am so sorry.. I heard the bad news from Sugar... she directed me here. So glad she did. You and your family are in my prayers. I'm a Christian too, and death has no hold on us, except to be a transition between this life and the next. But that doesn't make it easier to accept. I hope you have someone you can talk to about this because you really need someone to support you while you go through this. If you were a church member, it would be good to contact them and ask them to pray for your mom. Sometimes church family will hold prayers for healing, prayers for peace... I pray for your mother's healing, physical and spiritual. May you find strength to be there for her in her time of need. Please find a friend to help you with this. My thoughts are with you, dear. bea
(((((KATHY))))) I would be feeling the exact same way! You do have friends...we're here for you and would love to be closer and wrap our arms around you in love and support. I suffer from panic attacks myself and I am thankful for some good meds to pull me through my day (prozac rocks!). Please PLEASE see a professional NOW before Mom gets worse -- you will NEED the extra help, trust me.
Love you!
Sharon
I'm so sorry about your mom and my prayers are with you. Hugs and love.
Huggggggggggggg
"Don't give up.... don't ever give up."
Hi Kathy my name is Trees, Sugar directed me here, so glad she did. My mom was diagnosed with cancer very much like your Mom. We were told she was going to be ok. Unbeknown to us that was a lie, we are not sure if she told the doctors to say that to spare us or not. It is devestating to lose a parent. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Spend each day with your Mom make as many memories as you can in these last weeks. Easter is coming. Maker her that famous squash casserole for her, she will love it. Miracles do happen and you have many comments on here and prayers and good wishes and I am sure God is listening. Take care, God bless.
Post a Comment