just a big old baby, that's me

Missed me?  Probably not but that's ok. 

I went for all my pre-op stuff today.  I will have my surgery this Wednesday.  Have to be at the hospital at 7:45am. 

I have had surgeries before.  Major and minor ones.  But for some reason this upcoming one has gotten the best of me.  I am not sure why.  Is it my depression?  My anexity/panic disorder kicking into high gear?  Am I just turning into a baby and worring about the pain afterwards?  Don't have a clue.  Maybe it's everything all rolled into one.  But I must say that I do feel like a big baby.

I have the fridge/freezer all stocked up on goodies that come with getting your tonsils out.  I have the pain meds, all stocked up on cat food.

Mom feels left out because she can't do anything to help me.  Dad feels a little put out because he is the one that will have to help me some (with the cats, and stuff).  I feel bad because I feel like I'm all alone in this.  I guess that's what you get if you get to the ripe old age of..........well, my age and don't have a partner or kids.  I never wanted to grow old alone but it is happening to me.  And something like this surgery just makes being alone that much worse.  Oh it will pass I am sure.  I'm sure Dad probably isn't as put out as I think.  My imagination is just running away with me.  Depression will do that to a person.

I haven't been online at all lately. I have just been way to tired.  I don't know if the tired is coming from the tonsil, or part of my depression.  I guess if I stay this tired after the surgery I can go to Dr Shrink and say with confidence it's the depression and I need different drugs.

The cats managed to break one of their "cat trees".  I wouldn't have thought it possible.  Luckily my dad managed to figure out a way to fix it.  Those things cost way too much to throw out, and the level they broke was needed to get to the higher parts.  While my dad was here fixing it Sophie was loving all over him.  It's like she knew he was fixing it for her.

I hate that I haven't done the entry in honor of Pamela yet.  I hope should will forgive me.  I will get it done one day.  Pamela touched me in such a way that I will never forget her.

Take care everyone.  I don't know if I will be online tomorrow or not.  I may have too much anxeity to do anything.

PS  I know that my little minor surgery is nothing compared to what some of you are going through.  I know.  And that is one reason I feel like such a big baby......

Kathy

 

uh, oh

Just logged on and read your comments from my last entry.  Love the well wishes, and Andi thanks for scaring the living daylights out of me.

My surgery is set for April 25th.  That's a Wednesday, I go the Monday before to see the doctor again and to go for all the pre-op stuff at the hospital.  It is going to be outpatient surgery but I am happy to be at this specific hospital for the surgery.

Did you know that having huge tonsils can interfer with your sleeping?  No wonder I haven't slept good in ages.  Big tonsils can also cause sleep apena --  which can cause you to stop breathing.  That's not saying my big old tonsils are going to kill me, but if the possiblity is there that I could stop breathing for a second sometime in life I think yanking the buggers out is something I should do.

I'm going to clean out my freezer this coming week and stock it with tons and tons of ice cream.  I need to check with the doctor about maybe getting some pudding or something other than ice cream.  And I gotta ask about my meds -- how hard it will be to swallow them, etc......

I don't know what I am going to do after the surgery.  Orginally I had planned to come home and have dad help get me settled in.  I have also thought of going to my parents house for at least the first day maybe 2.  But I don't know how that will work out.  My mom is in no condition to wait on me and you know that is what she will try to do.  My nerves are already a wreak and my parents seems to know how to make them worse.

And then there are my babies.  Maggie and Sophie.  I know that dad would come feed them and poop the litter box...........but they would miss me (well they would!!!)

Oh, my parents got robbed the other night.  Someone broke into there shed and stole some of my dad's work working stuff and an air compressor.  Ain't life grand?

Kathy

ps thanks for the links deb.  i'll check them out.

 

Who's that girl?

I'm still on the planet.  Aren't you glad that I stopped in to let you know that?  LOL

I went to the ENT today.  This guy I like.  He wants to take my tonsils out, but told me to think on it for a day or 2 first.  Seems like recovering from the operation will take about 2 weeks and will be very painful.  Because you can't eat  -- only drink fluids and eat tons of ice cream -- one can expect to lose about 10 pounds.  Well I'm all for the weightloss!  In fact I have lost some more weight for a total of 10 pounds in the past month or two.

I am sure I will go for the surgery.  I stay tired all the time and that can be one of the "tonsil" side-effects.  The doctor saying that it isn't an easy recovery does have me worried.  Lets face it, you have to swallow 24/7/365 and if each time hurts...........I'm starting to sound like a big baby huh?  Maybe I should ask to get my tonsils back in a jar?  ewwwww...........

I'll let you know when the surgery gets all set up as I am sure I will be off line for at least the 1st 2 weeks.  (I could be wrong.  But if you told me months ago that I wouldn't be loging on everyday now I would have called you a liar.)

Thanks so much to the person (you know who you are) that emailed me concerning Easter being the 1 year of Pamela's (his1desire) passing.  Yes, the date was the 16th last year but her passing will always be remembered on Easter Day.

I am still in awe of how Pamela -- a woman living on the other side of the country, that I only knew through journals and email  --  made such an impact on my life.  I remember reading on the screen that she had passed.  I started crying so hard I couldn't read the screen.  I sent a crazy instant message (which I don't do) to Andi and we talked on the phone until I could get myself together.  How could a stranger pull so hard at my heart?  Why is it a year later and I am still tearing up everytime I think of her?

I have been wanting to do a proper posting for Pamela on the 16th but I might not get to it.  I will post something either before or right after.  I hope Pamela doesn't mind too much.............

Now about me........nuthin' much to say.  Thanks for the emails.  They mean a lot.  So do your comments.

Kathy

 

Tags: tonsils, surgery, recovery, ice cream, Pamela, his1desire, passing, Easter Day, heart strings