Monday, February 20, 2006

Warning!!!! Gross graphic below!!!!!!

                                

I have been here just lurking around J-land and other spots on the web.  I just haven't felt too much like leaving comments or being really social.

Lately my depression has gotten the best of me.  I have had it for years and from time to time it gets bad and right now I am in one of those dark periods.  I was hoping that with the new meds I would start feeling better but doesn't look like it is going to happen any time soon.

I could go on about how I am feeling and what goes through my mind when I am like this but I won't.  Unless you have suffered with clinical depression you wouldn't understand.  Oh, I know you would say you do, and you may even think you do, but trust me -- you have no idea.

Cats are getting along great.  I am so pleased that Sophie has someone she can play with.  I really miss Sadie though.  I miss all the pets I have had to put to sleep just these past few years.  It has been too many.

Finally got my aunt's house cleaned out.  Dad and some of his friends are working on painting the inside, I think we will hire someone to paint the outside.  Then we will put it up for sale.  Can't wait!  Mom is letting me have the money from the sale to pay my house off with.  This is about the best thing that could happen, I live on a fixed income (out of work on disability because of my depression and panic disorder) and this would make life so much easier for me.

Sorry about the gross graphic above.  I have tons of graphics but couldn't find one that sort of went with the way I am feeling right now.

Take care. 

                          

 

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Take it easy, Kathy. I have the opposite.....Anxiety. Scary thing and nobody "gets" it either. They think it's just nerves. I wish.
Angela
((((((Kathy))))))

Anonymous said...

I'm sort of plodding along myself these days...and you are right, if "people" knew what was actually going on inside my head, they'd have locked me up LONG AGO...lol.  I am so happy to hear about the house and everything, maybe that will bring on happy times.

xoxoxo,
andi

Anonymous said...

well yiou know I for noe actually do understand
It is a really crap place to be.............

Anonymous said...

I do understand and I pray youc see the light soon

Anonymous said...

Hi Kathy,
I know what you mean about depression, I too struggle with it.
I started on some meds after Christmas and have had some better days.  Many day where I don't feel like doing anything...so I don't.
Great on the house!
Donna

Anonymous said...

Kathy,
I've struggled with clinical depression for years.  I know how you feel honey.  And it is always worse at this time of the year.  
Take care,
Connie

Anonymous said...

Depression is tough and it does hurt.  I have had my ups and downs with it as well and I can really understand how you are feeling.

I can only send you love and cyber hugs with the belief that it will help a bit.

Great news about paying your house off. That's got to be a wonderfully comforting feeling.

{{{{{{{{{{BIG BEAR HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

Deb

Anonymous said...

Great Graphics.Sorry to hear of your depression.I Know exactly where you are at as i had a nervous breakdown 8 years ago.It aint easy and some days you feel really down and like the whole world is against you.Like you said unless you've been through it you never really know wot it is like.Like you i was on medication and with lots of help from GP, Community Psychiatric Nurse and Family i got through it.Good Luck with your Aunts house.Thats a bit of good news for you to cling to.Ok try and keep yourself occupied and try not to dwell on bad things etc and try to remain positive and force yourself to get out and about more thats what i did.If you need anyone to talk to someone who has been through this you know where i am.Thinking of you.

John xx

Anonymous said...

Unless you have suffered with clinical depression you wouldn't understand.  Oh, I know you would say you do, and you may even think you do, but trust me -- you have no idea..................I know.
Please, get busy doin` things you like, anything...Tv, reading.
It is the circular thinking that is the cause of the pain being able to gather strength.

Hugs,
V

Anonymous said...

Kathy ~

If you are on the government disability, how can you use a large sum of money to pay off a house and not lose your eligibility? Hope you have talked it over with a disability worker. Everything is so tricky right now. Be very careful.

Suzy C.

Anonymous said...

Kathy, you're right, I probably don't understand true clinical depression.  But, i have felt depressed and it's a terrible feeling, so I can only imagine how much worse it is for you.  I hope you find your way out of the darkness real soon.  I guess your kitties help you somewhat, right?  You have to be there for them.  It's great news about being able to pay your house off.  We are finally mortgage free and it is the most liberating feeling you can ever imagine!  Take care, Susan

Anonymous said...

Hi there...out in J-Land trying to make my way round! Can't stay long cause of my neck. Wanted to pop in & say hello.
Blessings,
SUGAR

Anonymous said...

Oh Kathy, I hate to see you depressed, I never did, and I couldnt imagine that happening to you.

Feel better, and that graphic makes me laugh haha

take care

love,
Meg

Anonymous said...

It's a tough time when depression gets its claws into you. I'm only just recently figuring out what a foe it really can be. I hope that in some brief time, you get a little sunshine back through the windows. I feel what you're saying. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you.


Jimmy

Anonymous said...

HI THERE. Wish the meds would hurry up! Been missing you.