I'm still around. Barely, but I am.

The hard part of living with diabetes is watching what and how much food I stuff into my mouth.  Harder still is that I have always been an emotional eater.  Now I can't be so much.  NOW I need my comfort food (that has been slowly killing me).  I did get the exercise bike (treadmills are just too big for my small rooms).  Haven't had it long enough to have spent much time on it.  And now I really don't want to.  I could care less. 

I just want to climb in bed pull the covers over my head and sleep.  And stay that way until everything goes away.

Dad seems bound and determined to get mom put into a nursing/assisted living place.  I don't see what he sees that is so bad.  But then I don't live there.  I feel like he just doesn't want to take care of her.  There it is, I said it.  I think my dad just plain doesn't want to look after her.

Mom can still get to the bath room by herself.  She can dress herself (takes forever though).  She can fix herself a snack (cheese on crackers).  She might could fix a meal but she gets so she staggers around and you just know she is going to fall.  She does get up in the middle of the night and see something on the floor and try to pick it up only to fall (or almost fall, she grabs onto stuff on the way down).

Mom and Dad argue more often than not.  My mom has turned into some what of a b****.  But she is almost 76 years old.  But it gets to my dad and he will argue with her only to feel bad about it later.

I can't do much of anything unless I was to bring mom to live with me.  But I really don't think that is a good idea.  So I am basically stuck with going along with whatever dad decides to do.  Maybe something else will happen.  I did get him to call this place to see what services they offer (or know about at other places) to help keep elderly people in their homes.  He's waiting on a call back from them so I don't know what will happen there.

Mom gets so confused easily.  She isn't really mom anymore.  But she does know that dad is thinking of putting her in a nursing home.  And she ain't happy about it at all.

Kathy

 

It feels like Spring out side today!

I am starting to learn how to be a diabetic.  I got all my testing supplies last week and was taught how to use them correctly.  Not very hard at all.  And the stick (to get blood) isn't really painful at all.  It's more of a mental pain I think.  LOL

Next week I go for nutrition and diabetes classes.  Actually I am looking forward to it.  I have known for ages that I needed to eat better but didn't really have a clue how to go about it.  Well, I had a few clues but they all involved cooking and turning on that huge thing in the kitchen -- I think it's called a stove?  LOL

Supposed to be walking everyday but that just isn't happening.  I'm going to get rid of some furniture that I really don't need and get an exercise bike.  I think the exercise bike will be easier for me to stick to doing.  And maybe I can get caught up on some reading while I pedal away.

I took mom's cat to the vet once again and I just knew we would have to put her to sleep.  But that didn't happen.  Dr B came up with some pills that we could crush and put in Sara's food (getting a pill into her any other way just won't work we've tried it).  Luckily the pill (powder) doesn't have much of a taste as she will eat the food as if nothing is in it. 

Sara (mom's cat) has become more calm and loving.  And she follows mom's every movement!  Dad says every time mom goes into another room there is Sara on her heels.  Just like a puppy following you all over the place.

What magical medicine did the vet give Sara?  Xanax.  Yep, the stuff you give humans!  But it is a lot less costly at the vets!

Guess that's it for now.  Take care. 

Kathy

 

Tags: nutrition and diabetes classes, diabetes, cat, xanax

The year is almost over.

I am sorry that I have not been commenting in anyone's journal lately.  I just don't feel like it.  Sad truth but there it is.  My mind is on so many other things.  My parents you know about.  But now there is their cat.  Yep, little old Sara has been attacking mom some and even started to go after dad.  So off to the vet Sara went.  Have to make sure nothing is physically wrong that is making her misbehave.  Dr B couldn't find anything wrong.  So it must be psychological in nature.  Great.  He says the only thing to try is to see if some hormone shot will help her with whatever is going on.  If the shot helps then she will need to get one every 2 weeks or so.  If it doesn't work.......well her condition will only get worse and we can't have her attacking mom.  So we will have to have Sara put to sleep.  It is really sad.

And next......couple weeks ago I went for my yearly exam with the GYN doctor.  He drew blood.  Didn't like what showed up so I had to go to my internist today.  Great news, I have diabetes.  No "pre-diabetes", Dr G says he's calling it diabetes.  But before "we throw medicine" at it I have to see a specialist and make some "lifestyle" changes.  I know I have to do it, but I don't know if I can.  I have depression also and that fights against all the things I need to do because of the diabetes.  Exercise?  Sounds easy enough to walk for 30 minutes a day, but depression makes it hard to get up and get dressed much less exercise.

If it sounds like it, it is.  I am throwing myself a big old pity party today.  All are invited.  Party must end before morning though.

Oh!  My neighbors a few doors down were robbed over Christmas.  Lots of stuff stolen, even a gun is gone.  Lucky no one was home when the houses (yep, houses -- 2 of them) were robbed.

I need to get a dog.  A guard dog.  And one that would force me to go out and walk it everyday.

Kathy

It's that time of year! No, not Santa, it's fruit cake season!!! Yummy!

I am a lucky person.  I know that.  Really I do.  Sometimes I have to throw myself a big old pity party but I know that I am basically a lucky person.

I LOVE my parents.  I am lucky enough to still have them here on the earth with me.  However......I know my mom is driving my dad crazy.  Guess dementia will do that to a person.  But now dad has said he'd leave if he had a place to go.  He even told mom he would move in with one of his sisters (she's a widow) but didn't know if she would let him.  Mom gets all mad and says if they could just get along.  She says just ask me yes or no questions and I will stay in my room and we just won't talk.  NOW dad throws a hissy fit saying why live in a house with someone that won't talk to you.

Take a deep breath Kathy......a long deep breath........

Mom wants to know what I think.  Wants my suggestions on how to make life at their house calmer.  ROTFLOL Wants my ideas?!!! She is kidding right?  If I told her what I really thought she would never speak to me again.  But I'm not mean.  I know that she can't help a lot of the things that comes out of her mouth.  She doesn't realized how she has been changing.

Yep, I'm lucky I don't live with the parents.  I am unlucky in I don't know how the heck to deal with 2 grown people that are acting like 3 year olds.  I know they can't help it -- or maybe they could at least to a little extent.

Pray for them.  Heck pray for me.  We all need some help over in this corner of the world.

Oh!  Totally forgot I did a Christmas journal last year.  It's still up and I am guessing that any links over there still work.  Check it out:  Trying Not To Be Bah Humbug! In the column to the right (in that journal) is a link to eachentry so you don't have to go hunting for entries that aren't on the front page.

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season.  Try to think of the good things.  Tell someone you love them and give them a big old bear hug.  You never know when you might not be able to do it again.

Kathy

 

Tags: dementia, parents, holidays, christmas journal

who didn't know? and just stuff i've been doing

The headline on this is true: Worst Kept Secret in Hollywood - AOL Video Blog  If you didn't know she was gay then your "gay-dar" isn't working.  Frankly I could care less.  She's a great actress.  I heard once that this hilarious guy thought no one had a clue he was gay.  Hee Hee  Again that "gay-dar" would have told you so.  I loved watching him on the Hollywood Squares.  Funny.

I am hooking on one of AOL's free games: The Rise of Atlantis - AOL Games  I can play it for hours.  I totally lose track of time, space, and whatever else when I play it.

I got an email from Amazon today telling me they were sorry but they couldn't ship my stuff when they had planned.  It would be after Christmas before shipping.  Then a few hours later I get an email telling me the stuff has been shipped.  What the???  Doesn't really matter when I get it  -- just some horror movies for me to watch.

I went to the doctor yesterday.  It was time for my yearly exam with the GYN.  I really like my doctor.  But I dread going for the physical every year.  This time he had some blood drawn to check to see if lowering my HRT meds had any effect on stuff.  Can't wait to see what shows up.  Oh and you know how they weigh you every time you go?  I've lost a couple more pounds!  Great!

Sent a small amount of $$ to the local rescue mission.  They work with just homeless (I guess they are all homeless) men.  I really like their stores (used stuff, lots of furniture) but I hate going to the stores because they are where the men hang out and it quite frankly creeps me out sometimes.  I'm sure none of the men are going to attack me, but I feel uncomfortable around so many.

Guess that's it for now.  See ya around.

Kathy

Tags: hollywood's worst kept secret, who's gay, amazon.com, GYN appointment, rescue mission

What time of the year is it?

If you were to go outside today you would never think it was anywhere close to Christmas let alone being December.  According to the weather guy it's going to be in the low to mid 70's all week!  WOO HOO

Most people have traditions for this time of year.  I really can't remember any real traditions my family has had.  I do remember way back when my Granny (that's what we called our grandmother  -- and it really fit her) was still alive, she LOVED chocolate covered cherries.  We always had a box or two around the house for her.  After she died we still bought chocolate covered cherries into the house.  No one really liked them all that much but it was a part of what when "had" to buy every year.  It was probably a good 5 years or so before we stopped buying them.

But this year!  I know it was probably out last year but I just decovered a Hershey Kiss that is wonderful! Cherry Cordial Creme Kisses!  Now these I like!  They taste like chocolate covered cherries but without the cherry and not so sweet either.  I know my Granny would love these things.

While I was looking for the above link I found some fun things at the Hershey site that I never knew they had.  Check these out:

HERSHEY'S KISSES Brand Chocolates - Downloads - Screensavers

HERSHEY'S KISSES Brand Chocolates - What's New

Great stuff -- and best of all it's free stuff!

Mom gave me some Christmas money early and of course I had to spend part of it early.  I got some games for my computer.  I had been playing the free versions on AOL.  You can buy them from AOL but they cost like $19.95, I found the exact same thing at Wal-Mart for $9.99.  Not bad.  Plus buying them at Wal-Mart I get the CD for a back up in case my computer crashes, you don't get that with AOL.

If you are having "my" great weather what are you doing sitting there?  Get outside!  You know it will get cold sooner or later so get outside now while you can.

Kathy

 

 

Tags: chocolate covered cherries, granny, kisses, warm weather, christmas traditions

Bah Hum Bug

Once upon a time Christmas was really fun for me.  I loved decorating and shopping.

Some how, somewhere all that changed for me.  I guess it was about the time my depression struck in full gear years ago.  And it seems to go down hill every year for me.  Instead of thinking of Christmases past I think of future ones.  Ones where I am all alone.  I saw it happen to my Aunt and I see it slowly happening to me.

And now my family is going crazy.  I don't know if it is the time of year or if its stuff that was bound to happen sooner or later.  I expect it is the latter of the two.

As mom gets older (she's 75 years old) the more hateful she gets towards my dad.  And of course my dad acts like a 2 year old (he's 70 years old) and snaps right back at her.  Then I get a call from mom telling me how dad is acting.  Then I get a call from dad wanting to go somewhere  --  he's just gotta get out of the house.  I go with him.  He drives like an idiot and talks about mom like she is some evil thing.  So I get both parents bad mouthing each other.  If I stick up for the parent being talked about it makes things worse.

I am sick of dad talking about my mom.  It hurts.  Mom is having issues with her mind and memory since she was operated on when she fractured her hip.  You will not convince me that the anesthesia didn't do something to her brain.  I try to overlook some of the things she says.  I try to encourage dad to remember that she is taking meds for her "condition".  (I refuse to call it Alzheimer's  -- yeah some dementia sure)  But he seems to refuse to believe she is anything but acting like the devil.

I hate mom talking about dad.  But somehow it hurts more when he talks about her.  He even got so mad the other day he said he may have to put her in a nursing home because he just couldn't handle her mouth much more.  I wanted to scream at himand could have killed him.  Really.  Mom is physically in pretty good shape all things considered.  But she is getting grouchy and kinda of mean in her old age  -- I will admit to that.  She isn't the same person she was say 5 years ago. 

I know living with her is probably a lot harder than just me watching from the side lines.  But all the fighting is really getting to me.  I have tried to tell each of my parents that I don't want to hear about the other one.  But it is a lost cause. 

I don't know if it will get to the point that my dad says enough is enough or if it will just be an never ending battle until one of them passes away.

I don't know how to handle all this.  I love my parents, really I do.  But all of this (with my depression thrown in) is really getting to me.

Kathy

Tags: parents, fighting, dementia, depression